Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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