We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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