put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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