i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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