If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
