Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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