I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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