Sry I called you an 8
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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