His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
