If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
