I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
