my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
