ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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