You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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