Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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