Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
