She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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