i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
