The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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