I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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