People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
