i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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