our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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