Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
