Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
are you so shy because you have an std?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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