come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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