I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
