he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
