ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
