youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
