My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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