i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
