Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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