She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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