I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
