the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
