just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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