you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm having to shit out rocks
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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