you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
