So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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