Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
