I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
