Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
