I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
