You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
