Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
