My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
