Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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