We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
