I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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