Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
