I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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