I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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