well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize