Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
