is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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