Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I love having hate sex.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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