..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
