I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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