there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
