WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
