if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
