My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
