He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
