Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Less talking, more tequila
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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