my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
