i was born a porn star she said
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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