My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
