Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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