I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
